Family mending

Today was a very important day in Jeff and my new search for a better life. For both of us our parental relationships, I guess I could say family lives in general, have always been rocky. Over the past year I have been fortunate enough to develop the kind of relationship with my parents that I had only hoped to have at one time. The funny thing was that it took me getting married to really change how my parents saw me. They now want to be involved in my life like they have never been before. They are also very proud of the many steps that I have made in my life to make it better. Their support of my surgery was just that they supported my decision but they did not really want me to get this surgery. It seemed like I could have so many problems but instead I am sailing through my recovery. It was also my mother's birthday today and she, my father, my nephew and my aunt from Florida came to church today. That was great because that meant that we could be together today. It was even greater that Jeff's mom, Lynn, was finally able to come to our new church. Jeff and his mom have definitely struggled throughout the years but I get a different sense that this time of healing may be different, or maybe I should say that I hope this time will be different. I now call her "mom" which makes her feel really good. She also calls quite often and we have been able to talk like real friends. Life and family are never perfect but God is working on so many aspects of my life that I feel invigorated and inspired and hope to just continue down this great path. There are a few more relationships that we hope to mend soon but I know that patience is what is most important in this process. Things do not just usually happen overnight.

Fully Energized

Today I woke up and felt like I was the energizer bunny. I have almost fully recovered from my surgery and injury which makes me even more grateful for my overall experience. I took a walk with my crazy dog, Callie, and just spent some time reflecting. I was really glad to be exercising which is definitely not something that I would have ever admitted to before. For many years of my life I did my best to come up with excuses for not exercising instead of just getting out there and doing it. How crazy?!? Now I am looking forward to really making myself healthy. I know that this will not be an easy road that I am travelling down but I know that I do not want to hop in the car to make the journey easier but instead I want to really feel every stone on the path as well as the many hills and winding curves. I do not know that the future will be as problem free as today but I can hope that I now have the strength to get through any problems which I often lacked before. I know people that have struggled with this surgery but God has really helped to make my experience setback free so far. I am not saying that I am more deserving than those that have struggled I am just saying that I am grateful for God standing with me through this experience, even carrying me at times. The other person that has carried me through this experience is my husband, Jeff, and I know that I could not be where I am in my life if it was not for him. I thank you Jeff for all that you do for me both emotionally and physically. I hope that I can be a better wife to you!

A great day

Yesterday I really experienced a boost in my new life. It may seem silly but I was so excited to make a lunch for some old friends and get to socialize with them afterwards. The greatest thing was that while cooking this great meal I did not feel jealous because I could not eat what I was making for everyone else. I even baked a cake the day before and did not feel the desire to lick the icing off the knife. To me this proves that I have overcome my food addiction. That step really helps me to look forward to the upcoming weightloss process that I will be going through after the surgery. It was the best day because I just had some fun visiting with old friends and it was especially a great step for my husband because he is trying to overcome some social shyness that he has experienced for most of his life. I know that we are both growing emotionally and that will help us to connect to each other even more. I can actually look at myself in the mirror and not see a disgusting fat woman anymore. I have not lost a lot of weight but I know that the person that I am really looking at is inside that overweight shell. All of these great steps that both I and my husband are making are being guided by God. God loves all of us and only wants the best for his children. I just want to continue on this positive track and know that with God's help I will become the person that I was meant to be. That person is not based on my weight but on loving myself. What is really getting smaller on me is my misunderstanding of myself and those closest to me. I now know that I can be great just like my day yesterday.

Looking forward

I am experiencing a new zest for life. I was sitting and talking with my husband Jeff and said that since my surgery I have felt completely different. For most of my 35 years I have just existed and now I want to really LIVE!!! I am not saying that I did not enjoy various portions of my life but I know that my weight really held me back from truly experiencing all aspects of life. As I begin the year 2007 I am not making resolutions, those things that nobody really sticks to, but am starting my life anew. I see my life as once again starting at the newborn stage. I know that first I will learn to roll over, then crawl, then walk and finally run. It is that running that I am really looking forward to. The only running that I have really done up until now is the running away from my life that I had often done. I do not have an update on my weight but I feel it melting away, along with my previous life. This will be the year that I shine! This whole new self that I am experiencing is helping me to appreciate the people around me. I know that I will be able to love those around me more as I learn to love myself more. Loving yourself is the first step to becoming the person that God really wants you to be. I pray every day that I continue to have the strength that I need to LIVE and the strength to help all those around me to live as well. I also thank God for my husband and our family and friends. This experience is helping me to want to be with those people more. Thank you God for all that you have given me!!!

In the beginning...

I am home recovering from my recent gastric bypass surgery and grateful that all is going well. Since December 19th, the date of my surgery, I have lost a total of 15.5 lbs. I feel really good about my progress. The doctor that performed my surgery was wonderful and I would recommend him to anyone. His name is Dr. Robert Quinlin and he is in the Pittsburgh Bariatrics group located out of St. Margaret Hospital. I only had one minor glitch in that I strained an internal stitch and it is causing me pain. I researched this surgery for months before I made the step to start the process which takes 6 months to complete. I also spent many hours praying for God's guidance in my decision. After the surgery I seemed to have what many would call a near death experience which had made me appreciate the life that I have and makes me want to enjoy it more. I have always had a problem of believing myself to be worthy of love and respect from anyone in my life but now I know that I really am worthy of not only giving love and respect but receiving it as well. I could type all that I have to say for hours but with my injury I will have to sign off for now but I will keep sharing my story.